i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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