Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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