He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
