The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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