One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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