i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Success! We fucked roommates!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize