Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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