yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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