Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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