I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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