THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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