is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Green mimosas i think yes
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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