you guys were way drunker than both of me
I can text with my tongue
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
