He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
