Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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