literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
