So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
