I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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