Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize