Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
