dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
