Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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