we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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