puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
