I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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