My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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