I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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