just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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