There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The best revenge is premature balding
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
