Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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