Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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