she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
