so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
