I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
