I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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