so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize