Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
