I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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