Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
