We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
