Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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