dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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