We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
