Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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