I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
