Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
