ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize