During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
