i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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