College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
