I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
