Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
