yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
