i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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