we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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