I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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