hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
