You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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