Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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