last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize