You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
