How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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