just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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