Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
