can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
