I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
