I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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